Six Years What Have You Done?

I am in  my 6th and final year studying architecture. 

6th.

(well including 2 years working in the field then 8)

It baffles me of what 6 years in this field can do to you. Just the other day I was asked of why i took this field: was it passion or just because I wanted a job? The question startled me at one point, as I stood there with a blank expression; blank, because I forgot how that passion felt when I first started my uni life in 2008. I was so burning with passion then. They said you needed 2 degrees to complete your studies, I said who cares I have what it takes! with a very determined face.

Well, that passion sort of died along the way, I'll have to admit.

Not until my 5th year, during the readings for my research proposals have I realised that architects are actually really crazy people who imagine too much, that they claim to hold responsible to society's everyday life. Why, architects? Why the burden? Why result to such powerful claim???.... is what I'd ask.

But I guess, while I'm still figuring out why I took this field, I will always come back to one answer: We are just programmed this way. If you want an exhibition centre to generate money, then we will build you an exhibition centre to accommodate tens and thousands of attendees. If you want an iconic tower to show power, then we will build you the highest skyscraper smacked in the middle of your already congested city.

This is how we're programmed to function in society, but then I ask myself, is this what I'm trained for? I hope I get the answer one day. No more the immature "i took architecture because I love to draw" type of answer. No. That was the 18-year-old-idiot-me who has the knowledge in the field the size of a pea.

It would be a downright lie if I told you I never regretted taking architecture, yet here I am in my final year. Just that one.. final... agonizing... push.

3 Cities

hello!

I had a stressful week last week preparing for my Design critique session yesterday, it's a miracle I got through it miraculously all in one piece (mentally. yes i'm exaggerating.. Because I can) so I have the whole week doing nothing which I reeeally love. And I mean nothing because a) it's crit week and I've already had mine yesterday, and b) I am totally broke. Best not dwell on the latter any longer because, well, that's just how it is =_=

2013 has been the year where I've done and gone through so much to achieve where I am today. It wasn't easy but I'm glad I went through it anyway, even though I felt like giving up a few times (applying for a student loan was a nightmare). The support I got from the people around me was awesome, because they're awesome as the awesomest people could be and I'm not even exaggerating this time.

So this time I'm gonna upload some pictures since a personal blog isn't complete without any photos. At least, that's what I think :D

in 2013, I have been to

Paris

London

Istanbul

Which is why I'm broke. Hahaha. But totally worth it! Paris is a beautiful city, London is really modern the subways are awesome, and Istanbul is just breathtaking! I would want to come back to these cities. For our honeymoon maybe? wink wink~

2014 trip has not been planned yet, I hope to go somewhere on a budget. Not really digging the shop-like-crazy travels.                                            

Marriage vs. Wedding

I have been so over-whelmed lately; over-whelmed with all these sudden pourings of important stuff to decide and focus on. Crit session is in 2 weeks, research proposal submission in 5 days, and a sudden serious planning of marriage. Hold your horses,  it's not gonna happen to me anytime soon (considering how one would define the "soon") but I must say, just planning a wedding takes up so much energy. Kudos to those who have had gone through a wonderful wedding (bff just got hitched last Saturday! much love, Kak Ely <3).

A serious planning about this have never kicked in for me, before it was always "we'd have that on our wedding" and "this'll be our colour theme" or "we'll go here for our honeymoon" and stuff like that. Just alot of hopeful imaginary things that one would dream on their wedding day without really being realistic. I am talking on behalf of myself here, because in our (my bf and I) case, he'd be the only one who would have the savings to achieve such "dream wedding" - the downside of furthering studies at an age where I should have had my own savings and get married and do my parents proud by tying myself with a man they'd like. 

Distance has never been any help. Planning all this is tad more difficult while I'm at the other side of the world. Misunderstandings occur, and we can't really 'be there' for each other when everything gets a bit tough to get through. It's not that I'm being ungrateful, far from that. Just something I'd have at the back of my brain every night while I'm about to sleep after a hurtful argument and there's nothing you could do but to sleep it off. 

googled "simple weddings" and this is what I found.
<3

Really though, guys. What is it with this expensive wedding trends? If it were all up to me, I would want a simple romantic wedding, all done in one day. A wedding should be simple, right? It's tough, for both my boyfriend and I, when we think of how we need to meet other people's expectations when we plan all this. "wow anak balik oversea kahwin macam ni je?" is the most disgusting part of our society, isn't it? I know I shouldn't let this effect me but face it, there would be such bad-mouthing if the wedding were to be as grand as a celebrity's, let alone a simple one. This is a trend young couples nowadays face, which is scaring the crap out of  me. With the increase in living costs these days, you can't just save 20k in a fortnight, even if the man i am about to  marry has a decent stable job at this rate. Marriage starts after the wedding. A wedding lasts only a day. Marriage lasts a lifetime, so why are people focusing on the day-span event, rather than the life-span?

No matter how we (my bf and I) try to not listen to these expectations, it does effect us, deep down. I'll never know what'll happen in the future, or how I'd change throughout, but I'm so much frustrated that I'd have to express it somewhere. I'm blessed with supportive parents, I love them so much for that. But it kills me inside to not have met their expectation, whatever that might be. They might say they wouldn't care of what I decide, but we'll never know, you know? 

This is getting a bit too emotional for me so I guess I'll end it here. Time to dive in to this research proposal I have yet to complete. a thousand more words to go! (die)

bye!

2014, i mean blogger? like, what?

*cringes at old blogposts on my old blog*

wellll despite all the cringing, i decided to start a new blog this year. i've been so stressed up and homesick lately that i thought i need to express it out somewhere apart from watching Running Man online with crappy quality.

hello people of the blogging world who ceased to exist since 2011... or was it 2010? 

it does feel weird, though, since everyone in the online community now is either on their smartphones uploading pictures on instagram and tweeting or vlogging on youtube. nobody ever does blogging anymore do they? or rather, nobody ever blogs on blogger. haha. i, however, have decided to stay loyal to blogger. only because i have not the slightest clue on how to start on other blogging websites. believe me, i've tried. 

tumblr? still dont get how it works. i still dont understand the whole reblogging thing. i mean, don't twitter have them similar retweeting thingamajig? why not just, you know, tweet?

anyhoo, there's been so much going on since i last blogged (which was around January 2013? oh lord 's been a year haha), it has been an awesome 2013, i must say. the year before that i said it was going to be my year, and my my it was my year (so i'd like to think). i could never be thankful enough of what Allah has given to me last year. He gave me my childhood dream! i still have a loooong long way to go but, at least i achieved one dream though right? :-)

buuuuut i am also human, and humans do tend to be quite emotional and not-so-thankful-ish. i think i've said it already but im saying it again: i am stressed. and terribly homesick. and the only time i'd be seeing my parents and everyone back home would be in June. which makes me feel terribly, terribly home to the sick. i miss mama's homecooked meals (i had an upset tummy for three days because of all these foreign food), i miss fighting with my siblings, i miss dad's jokes (he doesn't joke around much which is why im missing them most), i miss the Azan, i miss my cats, i miss my car, and this'll take forever to list down so i'll stop now.

told u this would be a way of expressing my homesickness. 

i miss my boyfriend too, which is why my blog title is his whatsapp status and instagram bio. yup. "what now?" teeeheeee~ (you shalt not barf)

this post ends here, (non-existent) guise. i'll write when i feel stressed again. bye!