what's cookin', good lookin'?

i sleep so early these days, 10:30pm and i feel like im done with the day.. so i get a full big fat 8 hours of sleep now and i think im liking it already! at least i'll start the day being not sleepy like i used too, and in a rather good mood too. 

but that is short lived, however, because by the time i have arrived at the office to park my car first thing in the morning, there's not a suitable place for me to park as the other drivers before me has parking skills that of a five year old. which drives me mad every single time.

i have noticed that my mood is wonky lately: one moment im light-hearted, the next i'd be such in a bad mood that even my husband could snap. i admit im short tempered, but its been going on too much lately. husband says i need to calm myself down and be grateful for what i have. im always constantly hungry too, like every 3 hours. fattie alert~

work is going on smoothly too. i think im getting the hang of it; juggling more than 5 projects at once and meeting clients here and there. meeting clients and suppliers and consultants in different races taught me a lot. it really does widen one's perspective about other people, how they work and communicate. and sometimes, it is ourselves who needs adapting.

the only thing thats not going on too smooth is me seeing my husband. i really do want to live with him. come back home to him, and cook and eat with him. i guess, one, fine day...

p/s: i miss being a tourist. need a vacation T_T

positive

my test read positive. i tried again the next day and it read that again, two lines: positive. 

but im second guessing myself because i've been counting days and its been too soon since my negative results.

could it be?

stay calm ween, it might be false. 

T_T

how do i cope with all this stress?

meeting people's expectations is just so stressful, especially when the expectations you're stressing over is coming from your own flesh and blood. everything i do is wrong, everything i give is never enough, everything i dont do will be highlighted like im the worst person in the world.

dont worry, i will move out so. maybe that'll make you (finally) satisfied.





ya Allah, i never thought it would be like this.

Migraine Monday

Good Morning!

Monday went by in a blink of an eye. at least i have work to start the week to keep the days busy.

i had a terrible migraine last night, i usually get these weird warnings like flashes of light before an actual attack happens. i have severe migraines, which i never get out of easily; being bedridden and vomiting is a norm. i hate it when this happens. i cant eat, drink or open my eyes. the sounds and noises i hear are twice the louder, and my skull feels as if being drilled (not that i've experienced any drilling through the skull), which is pretty exaggerated but thats how painful the headache is. but i can never get an mc letter from my gp, he says its "too common", or i "came to the clinic too late" (how am i suppose to go to the clinic when my head needs to lie down and i cant see light? it makes me so angry). his medicines are working so far so i ain't complaining. mama made me a very strong ginger tea last night and that worked as well. i only need that hours and hours and sleep.

 so that was why my Monday went by so quickly. i spent most of last night sleeping my migraine off. i've been suffering from these attacks since i've started my internship back in 2012 (if my memory serves correctly) and its been coming and going randomly and suddenly without a clue what the trigger is, unfortunately. 

does anybody have the same attacks as me? not the mild headaches (which i also get) but the severe ones where you cant even function properly.

i pray for the day when there'd be a cure and the migraines never come back.

quite contrary

oh my goodness this is such a free week im actually updating nearly everyday.

my husband has no idea about this blog yet which is why nobody, not even a soul, knows about this blog. i vow to tell him first before sharing the link in my other social medias. but quite contrary to my week, husband is just too busy that i dont think it appropriate to tell him unimportant things such as this. its not that he'll get mad, but he'll simply just say 'ok nanti i tengok' then forget about it in an instance. so im waiting for him to come to kuching (on board the flight now as we speak) in an hour. we havent seen each other for two weeks im maaaajor excited!

alan rickman just passed away, its almost as if professor snape just left us. alan played snape just how i've imagined snape to be (one of the few harry potter characters that really suit my imagination from the book), his looks, his clothes, his voice, his attitude, fitted perfectly. although he has other major awesome works (i know a few but i always shouted 'hey, thats snape!' in my head), as a huge fan of the book, alan rickman will always be the most perfect snape.

i am rereading harry potter again after 2 years of reading zero books and after so many years since i've took the potter series off my dusty shelf...


and to brush up my rubbish grammar and vocabulary as well -_-"

now and then

I have a lot of pending works to be done. these many projects, all pending at authorities so i have a bit of free time while i wait. working with a chinese boss help me to be independent in this field, there's no spoon feeding whatsoever. he will give you orders; where to go, who to find, and you settle on your own. im not complaining tho. i like going to meetings or meet councils alone, it saves me from the awkward silence and conversations i have with my boss if he goes with me. because im such an awkward person liddat.

unfortunately, though, through his training, i feel a bit strange without any work to do at the office. theres always something to do, a drawing to draw, a 3D building to build when he's around. but now even he's around i got nothing to do. strange, and a bit of guilt not doing anything.

so this 'not doing anything' involves reading my old blogs. i have no idea why i have 2 blogs, i guess the oldest one was when i was a freehair and it was full of photos of myself that i decided not to delete but private it. the second one was after i started covering my hair, the 'post-hijaab' lah konon. there were a few posts i wrote but i didnt really stick to it so i decided to make that one private as well. this blog was made when i was in uk, but there wasn't at all a frequent update; i just simply had no time (what with masters degree, my wedding, then went back to uk for convocation and honeymoon after that, then job hunting). i didnt feel like even signing in to blogger.

what i got from reading my old blogs was that during my early 20's i had a lot to express about. i was one heck of an emotional lady -_-" at least i vent it through writing, though, and not make a scene  out of it (although i remember quite clearly there were a lot of high school dramas going on). i updated almost everyday, wrote almost everything, so much ideas and very passionate in posting almost anything i was going through. and my writing skills were so much better last time too... man, whatever happened to my vocabulary these days haha twitter and hashtags on instagram is to be blame. really.

at the same time i felt embarrassed as well. maybe because i wrote too much and that there were quite a few people responding with them by commenting. i wondered how these people thought of me back then. sheesh im getting embarrassed by just thinking about it 

as embarrassing as it is, im glad i blogged. and im glad i was so active in it. writing was a way for me to escape my world. this world of having to sketch and draw and create. with writing i could write almost anything my sane mind would want and that some readers enjoyed it (to my surprise).

i almost felt like i was reading another person's blog. another girl's life. a whole different book. i guess the saying is true: open up a new book, turn over a new leaf. i really enjoyed re-reading your blogs 21-year-old ween. the stories you wrote seemed almost alien to me, i couldn't even remember half of the things written, but nontheless enjoyable.

this is present ween, signing off because boss is back in the office.

bye!

on my free time

the office feels free today. my colleague whom i share the room with is out to kk for urgent matters and i am left alone here in this room. a part of me enjoys this; i love being alone. and that colleague of mine never stop his work for even one minute, which i, the queen of procrastination, is against.

well not now im not the queen anymore. i hope.

so during  my spare time in the office, i have been going through properties lately (on mudah, of course). cant wait to own a place for ourselves, where we make our own rules, decorate our own space, wake up on our own pace. 

but that wont be anytime soon, im afraid. husband says its not the right time to buy a property when we still have debts to pay and houses are sold at through the roof prices; a nice new double-storey intermediate house would be myr450k minimum. even that minimum is at a flood location -_- an old one-storey house at 198k would cost a fortune to maintain (and even that is at a low cost area).

but that doesn't stop me from dreaming.

there's a lot to go through before deciding to commit to a house. a) where to settle down: husband in miri, im in kuching, his parents in kl and he might move to HQ in kl if his work asks him to. so where do we settle? b) house prices, as above mentioned, and c) our priorities: a good house with good location that would need a whole bunch of money, an ok but small house but at an ok location, a good spacious house at a 'meh' location, or a very small low cost house at prime area. 

husband's coming this weekend, i guess this might be the main topic for the both of us... that'd be nice, house hunting as a weekend activity!

oh wowee lookie here im going on about properties you're old now ween boohoo

what's up, Buttercup?

I am a married woman now. this sentence still ring strangely to me somehow and im still getting used to be called Puan or selecting 'mrs' during flight bookings, but I'm enjoying it so far.

It's been long since I've typed anything here, my last post was in April. Nobody reads these stuff anymore, i think. I guess this is a good place to express my unexpressed feelings since nobody reads it.

I am struggling, really. My husband and I, we only get to see each other on weekends and even that is every OTHER weekend. sometimes we dont get to see each other for 3 weeks. Im living at my parents in kuching, and he in miri working. i didnt want to work at first, and since miri almost has no work opportunities as a graduate architect, i just wanted to stay beside my husband everyday. but then i need a job, and considering our current economical situation, now isnt the right time to be lazying around at home not adding in to the household income.

i think im warming up to my job, i am currently working hard to be an experienced professional architect soon (not graduate architect, as my boss would say the graduate title seem 'unprofessional' somehow). the first few weeks, i hated everything: the meetings, chasing government officers for drawing approvals, meeting deadlines, all the boring paperwork and documentation stuff. im warming up though.. slowly but surely. i hope.

2016 is a year full of anticipation, i feel like im coming into a very new chapter. new husband, new job, new mindset and praying for some more newer things (and pray, new person) to come. like our own house, for instance. but lets not venture into that now...